Usually, I have no problem waiting for things to bake and cool. Even chill for a few hours. Usually, I love the process as much as the end result, and I can hum along as the little animated bird on my shoulder sings while as I stir, roll out my dough and bake in pure, unparalleled bliss.

Then there’s That Time.

That special, magical time when hormones are coursing through my veins, and I will shove anything and everything chocolate or chocolate-like into my mouth. Times when I WANT THE CHOCOLATE NOW OR I WILL LINE THE STREETS WITH THE BODIES OF MY ENEMIES.

When I feel myself turning into the Raging Pink Hulk, I make these No-Bake Chocolate, Peanut Butter and Oatmeal Cookies. Your mom probably made them. Mine called them Cow Patties. I call them PMS Wranglers, because they’re one-pot fast, drop-them-on-wax-paper easy, and eating them is like mainlining chocolate and peanut butter. Thank God, the oatmeal requires chewing, or I’d inhale the batch in a PMS-stupor.

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You have no idea how close I was to digging out the Lenox Holiday china for this post. Blame Lowe’s. Last weekend, the gardening section had been overtaken by an army of inflatable tractor-riding Santas with plugs of mistletoe chaw in their cheeks, and after every “Ho! Ho! Ho!,” they’d belch glitter.

Kidding! I love tractors! And Christmas! I just wish we weren’t bombarded with carols and Kris Kringle until after the official start of the holidays: the “Oprah’s Favorite Things” show.

So, how did I end up with Lenox Holiday Biscotti for this week’s Tuesdays with Dorie challenge? Read More…

See that gigantic cookie up there? That’s a Chocolate Whopper Malted Drop. Chocolate chips. Whoppers. Malted milk. The hardest thing about making these cookies is chopping the Whoppers before they roll onto the floor. Or you eat them. Or they roll onto the floor and Henry the dog eats them and pants Whopper breath the rest of the night.

The thing is, I wasn’t excited about this Tuesdays with Dorie pick until four days after I’d made them. Straight out of the oven, I thought they were OK. I was ready for crispy and crunchy; I got cakey and chewy. Jeff LOVED them. So, I boxed them up for him to take to the office, with the exception of one lone cookie for today’s photograph.

Four days later, I remembered the photo. And the cookie.

STILL MOIST!

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When we were kids, the summer didn’t end without me and my sister spending an afternoon watching some terrible movie or marathon. The Legend of Billie Jean. Meatballs. Fifteen and Pregnant. An all-day Facts of Life marathon. Something we could talk through. And snack through. One particularly inspired afternoon, Mom made us eggrolls to peck while we watched The Birds.

Now that summer is winding down, I find myself gravitating toward bad movies. Really bad movies. Movies starring people like Nicolas Cage. One afternoon, surrounded by moving boxes and things to do, Jeff and I halted all progress for Con-Air. It was no Fifteen and Pregnant, but few things are.

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My dad has a theory about marriage: that if you can survive being sick, hanging wallpaper, and moving  together, you’re good. So far, Jeff and I have survived each of us being sick and adopted a staunch no-wallpaper policy. Tonight, we are loading the truck to start our first move together. He’s painstakingly breaking down all of his office equipment, which he will then arrange in the truck with Tetris-worthy precision. I’m packing up the bathroom, because I’M NOT READY to pack up the kitchen yet.

Towels? Whatever. I need my food processor.

This begs the question, how am I keeping my husband from strangling a bounty such as myself? It’s all about those three little words: homemade chocolate pudding.

I owe it all to Melissa of It’s Melissa’s Kitchen. She picked the pudding as this week’s Tuesdays with Dorie recipe, and thanks to her, I have six ramekins of impossibly creamy, rich chocolate pudding to buy Jeff’s good will while I procrastinate. Make that five ramekins. Four? It is good, and those ramekins are small.

What makes Dorie’s chocolate pudding so good? First, you can’t go wrong with any combination of whole milk, sugar, butter, vanilla, and chocolate. Second, you mix the pudding in your food processor, which makes it incredibly smooth. And finally, you chill the pudding for at least four hours before you eat it. Four. Hours. When you take that first bite, you might wonder what all the fuss is about, but this is a dessert that’s meant to be savored. Slow down, and the chocolate will become more pronounced.

After the first two ramekins, Jeff had this idea that the pudding would be even better with something crunchy over the top, so I baked a batch of thin lace cookies and sandwiched them together with melted chocolate. If you’ve never baked lace cookies, let me warn you that the secret ingredient is PROFANITY. You won’t get a decent batch until you’ve cursed. A lot. So, stay very close to the oven, and when you can smell the cookies, PULL THOSE #*%^&*$ OUT!

If we had a little more time at this house, I would make the pudding again and try it as a chocolate pie filling. But it’s time to pack the food processor. And the Kitchen-Aid. And say goodbye to our first home. I’m sure the next one will be filled with even more good times. And absolutely no wallpaper.

*You’ll find Dorie’s chocolate pudding recipe here. For the lace cookies, keep reading.

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